As I sat in my basement in late 2020, staring at that blue “publish” button, I was taken by the numbing feeling of anxiety. For me, anxiety hurts; a physical pain in my chest that throbs and sounds like TV static. It was the first time I would publish a piece to the front page of the paper. It was also a more personal piece: a story about my journey of writing an entire novel in a month. I had always wanted my writing for the world to see, but now that the choice faced me, I found myself balking.

I have always been an anxious person. When I was little, my mom would cover the car clock with a bandaid so I could not tell if I was late for school. I experienced physical illness from anxiety many times, missing days because my stomach ached horribly. For a long time, I let anxiety control me and take over my life. 

Freshman year as I joined Journalism 1, I went into the class with hesitation. Journalism has always been a big part of my life; my mom and I would spend hours in the car listening to National Public Radio together. I loved listening to Invisibila and Radiolab, and hoped to create my own podcast someday. Although I was nervous, there was one thing that kept me steady: my friend Jordan Brownhill who would be by my side throughout the journey. 

I grew into journalism throughout the years. Milestones came and passed: publishing my first article, winning a Best of Sno award (and getting many hate comments for it), and getting awarded Best of Colorado for some of my articles. There were as many successes as there were failed articles and “inexcusably terrible” photos, according to my good friend and fellow journalist, Dylan Heinrich. Through all of these experiences, I began to discover that my anxiety pushed me to be better. 

A large part of journalism is about putting yourself out there. Many people hesitate about the idea of journalism because the main job description is “talking to strangers”. You get to know someone on an intimate level by understanding nothing but their name beforehand. However, as I wrote more and more, I began to crave this. There were so many people in the world, so many stories, and I wanted to get out there and tell them all. 

Entering my junior year in 2021, I was stepping into a position I had never seen myself in: News Director. Suddenly, I was responsible for standing in front of the newsroom and assigning stories to staff. It was terrifying, and I felt like I had the weight of the entire newsroom on my shoulders. But as I grew into the role, I learned that I was not alone. Jordan was there for me, as was the rest of the staff. 

Anxiety soon turned into curiosity and adventure. I scoured the school for potential articles and dove deep into journalistic experimentation. I tried new article formats and even made my first podcast. I became comfortable with the unknown. When my first podcast did not make me very excited, I dumped the idea and tried a new one. In a class where you are given complete freedom to explore, why not take it?

The years of journalism seemed to culminate into a final act: my senior year, playing the role of Co-Editor in Chief. Jordan and I had been dreaming of this since Journalism 1 in freshman year, planning what we would do and the lessons we would teach. Our dream came true, we would get to teach the class and mentor younger staff members. But a few nights before the start of the class, we found ourselves both experiencing journalistic nightmares. I dreamed that my car had broken down (something my car tends to do often) and I forgot to tell Jordan that I would be missing the first day of class. She experienced a similar dream, and we both realized just how anxious we were. 

As the day neared closer, I reminded myself what I was here to do. It was okay to make mistakes. In fact, no one was expecting us to be the perfect Editor-in-Chiefs on day one, or even on day twenty, fifty, or one hundred. We were human, and learning, just like everyone else. Once I realized that, I grew more excited than anxiety ridden. The lessons I had learned from every year of this experience crowded together in my brain. Why did I need to worry when I had a whole classroom full of people to support and love me?

I am so excited to be this year’s Co-Editor in Chief. I want the newsroom to continue to put out quality content, while driving innovation, creativity, and curiosity. I hope to leave a lasting impact on our newsroom, but most of all, I want other staff to feel safe enough to make those big mistakes, learn from them, and become better. I am ready to jump into this wonderful adventure, with my friend and staff by my side. 

Gallery • 5 Photos

Unknown

Jordan and Lizzy in late 2019, after seeing Aladdin. They've known each other since sixth grade.