Dear Little Ms. Know it all,

I have a problem. About a month ago, I started talking to this guy who I’ve known since middle school and have always liked as a friend but haven’t known very well. I really enjoyed talking to him, even though we didn’t really interact during the school day, and I might’ve been accidentally-on-purpose flirting with him… And then he asked me out. I didn’t know what to do, because I didn’t really want to go out with him, and back then (this was about two weeks ago) I thought that I might like him but I wasn’t really sure. So I sort of ghosted him, for about a week and a half, and I felt really really bad about it. It was super awkward when I saw him in class, and I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings or anything. But then he messaged me again in class one day, something about our teacher, and so we sort of started talking again… even though I had ignored him…. So everything was resolved with that, I guess? Except I think I kind of like him, because I really like talking to him and look forward to seeing him at school. The problem though, is that I already ignored him for a week (and now he hasn’t messaged me in like three days so who knows what’s up with that) and he went out with one of my friends last year, so even if I one hundred percent wanted to go out with him, girl code would forbid me from it…

WHAT DO I DO? I haven’t liked a guy in a while, and I haven’t actually talked to someone I’ve had a crush on consistently… Do I just make the feelings go away? Or do I try to be better friends with him?

Please help,

Confused and Conflicted

Dear Confused and Conflicted,

First of all you cannot just make the feelings go away. It’s not a switch you can flip whenever you want to, there is a lot of grey area. I would say you have two options. Your first option would be to air on the side of friends until you know exactly what you want. That way you don’t get into a relationship and realize you only liked him as a friend. However there is a danger in asking him to wait. You can’t expect him to sit around for a  long time while you contemplate what you want. If you think you can make a relatively quick decision then that is your best option. The other option is to make a leap of faith. You can take the relationship for a test run. Most people don’t think about it, but one date doesn’t qualify as dating. A date (one date)  gives you the perfect opportunity to see if you can really picture a relationship with this person without making a long term commitment. If you like talking to him and look forward to seeing him then why not go to lunch or go catch a movie and see what you think when it’s just you guys one on one.

You mentioned that a friend of yours dated him before and you’re afraid of breaking the friend code. My advice on that would be to talk to your friend. Tell her you might have a thing for this guy and clear the air and be honest. Also make absolutely sure that she doesn’t have any lingering feelings for him. The best thing about friends is you can be straight up with them and they will support your decision. Also she is a great resource if you want to know more about him, and keep your eye open for any weird red flags.

As for ghosting him for a week, I’m sure it was done in a panic and you had no intention of blowing him off, however from his end he might not know that. He has no idea what is going through your head, but if he messaged you back after that, that means he either wants to be your friend or is still interested. I would say, though, that because you ghosted him, if you want to be more than friends with him he is probably going to wait for you to make that move. Bottom line is figure out what you want and figure out what he wants and go from there, but don’t be afraid to go for it. This is high school and you only go through it once.

Little Ms. Know it all